


Simply The Best

by dumbhuman



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Banter, Drag, Established Relationship, Halloween, M/M, Schitt's Creek - Freeform, Teasing, this might not make a ton of sense if you haven't seen both shows but I hope it's fun anyway!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:35:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dumbhuman/pseuds/dumbhuman
Summary: The 118 is putting on a Halloween party, and Chris has suggested a group costume based on their little family's current favorite show. When Buck shows up in an unexpected costume, Eddie has a hard time getting through the night in one piece.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 98
Collections: Buddie Trick or Treat





	Simply The Best

**Author's Note:**

  * For [missjmelville](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjmelville/gifts).



> Well, whether this is a "trick" or a "treat" really depends on whether you've seen Schitt's Creek, Jess. Thank you for the opportunity to get this out of my brain and into the universe - it really ran away from me, but I had fun!

Eddie sighed as he smoothed down his shirt for the tenth time since changing after his shift. He was glad his Halloween costume was essentially just normal clothes, but the button down that Buck had packed for him alongside some very sensible slacks just _happened_ to be the tightest one in his closet.

“Oh nice, our station accountant is here.” Eddie shot a glare at Chim, who was carrying two big bowls of fun size candies over to the table. 

“Oh shut up. You know exactly who I am - your girlfriend is part of the group. How did you get out of this again?”

Eddie turned back to his task of arranging a small pumpkin and a set of carving tools at each seat of the table, Chimney’s laugh ringing loudly behind him.

“The secret, my whipped friend, is to refuse to watch the Buckley Sibling TV Obsession of the month altogether.”

It was true - Schitt’s Creek had started as a _Buck & Maddie _ thing. They’d plowed through the first season in one extended sibling weekend, which led to a ton of jokes in the group chat that no one else got (except Hen - she and Karen were avid fans). After about a week of weird accents and a spike in the word “Ew” in Chris’s vocabulary, Eddie had cracked and they had started watching as a family. Buck was somehow even more excited to be watching each episode twice - once with Maddie, and once at home.

“It’s just, like, comfort food, y’know?” Buck had implored when Eddie had asked how he was so tuned in even after knowing what was going to happen. “Like, a warm blanket that also makes me laugh.”

Eddie had to admit, the show was sweet. And funny. And wholesome enough that he didn’t mind Chris joining them - any innuendo still flew over his head, thankfully. More than the content of the show, though, he appreciated the routine of cuddling up with his son and his boyfriend on the couch each night to watch two episodes before bed. 

Which is why he didn’t protest at the idea of a family costume. Once Chris had asked to dress up as Ted this year - not surprising that he went for the vet, considering he was in an intense animal phase - Eddie had immediately seen the gears turning in Buck’s brain. He anticipated the puppy dog eyes before Buck had even turned to him with a pout, walking his fingers up Eddie’s arm as he tried to play off that his “thinking out loud” wasn’t premeditated.

“I’m just saying, Eddie. I think Maddie would be super on board for the two of us to be Alexis and David. And this is the year to do it, with the last season coming out. And if we already match Chris, you could be someone too. Johnny or Moira or Patrick - hm, that last one could actually be pretty easy…”

Eddie had bit down his smile and hemmed and hawed a bit, which was totally worth it for the adorable way the Buck had stuck his tongue out when he caught on. He’d smacked a kiss against Eddie’s lips before bounding away to call Maddie, and the two of them had spent the past week planning to be ready in time for the station Halloween party. Eddie had tried to help a few days ago, asking if Buck needed him to pick anything up or offer a second opinion, but Buck had just smiled, saying he and Maddie had it covered.

“Has Maddie given you any previews of their costumes? Buck hasn’t let me in on anything - he didn’t even have me try anything on when he raided my closet for Patrick clothes.” Buck had actually laughed in his face when Eddie asked if he needed him to model anything, waving his hand at the closet as he pointed out that there was no shortage of button ups or mid-range denim to choose from. 

He wasn’t _wrong_ , but _still_.

Eddie checked his phone while waiting for Chim’s response, his coworker holding up a finger as he finished chewing the mini snickers that he had pilfered from one of the candy bowls. Buck had texted about twenty minutes ago that he and Maddie had successfully picked Chris up at school, so they should be arriving any minute. Thankfully, a pair of child sized scrubs and a plush dog didn’t require taking Chris back home to get ready.

“Oh yeah, I couldn’t escape the Goodwill hunting - heh, that wasn’t even on purpose,” Chim snorted at his accidental pun. “We must’ve gone to five different locations because _apparently_ there is such a thing as a _wrong_ black sweater. Who knew?”

Eddie felt his face scrunch up as he turned to Chim in confusion. “A black sweater? I don’t remember any notable Alexis outfits that-”

“Dad!”

Eddie’s train of thought immediately disappears at the sound of his son’s voice. Christopher is heading straight for the stairs as fast as his crutches will allow, his backpack half unzipped and the stuffed dog tucked under his arm.

“Be warned, Eddie. He spent the whole car ride practicing his puns to be ‘in character’.” Eddie craned his neck to exchange a knowing look with Maddie, planning to mouth a “thank you” her way, but his brow furrowed when he got his first look at her across the station.

Maddie was dressed in a black sweater, just like Chim had described. She’d managed to find one with white hearts all over it, pairing it with some skinny jeans and chunky white sunglasses. It was a pretty spot on costume, honestly - a pretty spot on _David_ costume.

But if Maddie was dressed as David, that would mean Buck-

“Ew, David!”

Buck’s voice rang out, echoing around the empty room, as he walked in from parking his car to join Maddie. Eddie’s mouth went dry as he took in the sight before him.

Because, next to Maddie dressed as David, Buck was dressed as _Alexis Rose_. 

Eddie distantly recognized Chim’s laughter beside him, thought there might be a question directed at him, but he was too preoccupied for it to register. He was a little distracted by his boyfriend stalking across the garage in high-heeled thigh high boots, the fabric straining around his legs. Eddie felt his eyes widen as he bit his lip as he dragged his gaze higher, meeting the hem of a _very_ short pink velvet dress, complete with fake cleavage. Buck rounded out the look with a big, floppy hat perched on top of a long blonde wig, curls framing a full face of make-up. 

Eddie sucked a breath into his lungs when a broad hand landed on his shoulder. 

“You alright there, Diaz?”

Eddie blinked back to reality and turned to face his smirking captain, Athena walking up behind them.

“Oh, I think Eddie is _very_ alright, right about now.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Bobby’s waist, leaning up onto her toes to hook her chin over his shoulder. “Isn’t that right, Diaz?”

“Uh, hmm...what? Um-” Eddie tugged at his collar, his fingers undoing the top button with no input from his brain. Patrick unbuttoned his collar sometimes, right? Totally in character. “Um, yeah. I’m good. So good.”

He turned to glare at Chim, who was trying (and failing) to disguise his laughter as a coughing fit. Eddie opened his mouth, ready to try to dig himself out of the embarrassing hole he was in, but was saved by his favorite person making it up the stairs, Maddie close behind him.

“Dad, Buck and Aunt Maddie helped me get ready so fast! I got dressed in the car, which was kind of weird but Buck said it’s called a _quick change_ and that it’s ok sometimes if you’re parked and cover the windows.” He stopped next to Eddie and handed him his backpack before turning to face the rest of the group, a sly smile on his face.

“Miss Athena, did you get _fired_ from being a police officer?” Eddie squinted, not getting the joke that everyone was laughing at until he finally took in Athena and Bobby’s costumes. They had swapped professions - except they’d opted for the Party City version. Bobby was in a police uniform that looked like it didn’t breathe well. Athena wasn’t fairing much better - her firefighter costume looked like it would burst into flames if someone lit a candle _near_ it. 

“And who are you dressed as, sweetie?” Athena bent down to talk to Christopher, lifting a hand to keep her plastic hat from falling off.

“I’m Ted! He’s a veterinarian and he likes puns!”

Athena chuckled and gestured toward the table. “That sounds like it’s going to be fun for all of us. Why don’t you go pick a seat for pumpkin carving? Harry and May should be up any minute.”

“ _Purrrr_ fect.” Eddie shook his head at the way Chris drew out the first part of the word and winked before following Athena’s suggestion. Maddie’s warning was definitely appropriate - he was going to be dealing with puns for days. 

“I already told you, Maddie, I’m not dressing as a character I don’t know!”

“C’mon Howie, just put on the flannel! I won’t even make you wear the nametag. _Please?_ ”

“Dude, you know better than to argue with her. I’ve spent almost 30 years trying and she always wins.”

Eddie’s head snapped up at Buck’s voice, grabbing onto the back of a chair for balance as he found his target. If he’d thought that Buck’s costume had an effect on him from far away, it was _nothing_ compared to the privilege of getting a close up view. From this distance, Eddie could see that the hemline of Buck’s dress was even higher than he had thought, the soft fabric barely passing as work appropriate. He gulped and swung his gaze up to Buck’s face, cheeks going hot as he realized that he was practically drooling while his coworkers, his boss, hell his _son_ were mere feet away. 

For his part, Buck smirked as his eyes locked with Eddie’s - his asshole boyfriend did not help the situation at _all_ when he bit his lip and flipped his hair over his shoulder in a move that looked _way_ too natural. Eddie loosened his grip on the chair as Buck turned back to his sister, a look of pure innocence on his face. Eddie stood up straight and pulled his hands back to wipe his sweaty palms on his slacks before taking a step forward to join the group. 

He could get away with another button, right?

It wasn’t long before the rest of the 118 family trickled in to the party, and the station was filled with chatter and laughter as the pumpkin carving began. Eddie was sitting on one side of Chris while Buck was on the other, elbow deep in pumpkin guts. 

“I know these tools _look_ helpful, Chris,” Buck started, scooping out a fistful of stringy pumpkin innards, “but you _gotta_ use your hands.”

Chris giggled as he picked the seeds out of the pile that Buck dropped in front of him, passing them over to Eddie who was lining them on a baking sheet. Their assembly line was actually working out pretty nicely.

“I don’t remember Alexis Rose being the first one to get her hands dirty.”

Buck widened his eyes comically and flipped his hair over one shoulder. “Actually, _Patrick_ , I spent, like, weeks picking garbage up on the side of the road. It was _super_ gross and dirty.”

Chris cut off his giggles to point across the floor. “Bucky! I mean, _Alexis_! You knocked my pencil onto the floor.”

Eddie’s eyes followed the line of Chris’s finger to land on the pencil he was meant to use to sketch on the pumpkin before carving, Buck clambering out of his chair as it rolled to a stop.

“No problem, _Dr. Mullens_ , I’ll just grab this for you and-”

This time it was Eddie’s eyes going wide as he sprung out of his own chair, taking quick steps to join Buck before bending down to grab the pencil himself.

“Eddie, everything ok?”

Eddie leaned in close, keeping his voice low. “You’re in a _very short dress_ , Buck. Probably best if you don’t bend over in it in front of a bunch of our coworkers and their kids?”

“First of all, this dress isn’t _that_ short,” Buck claimed, laying his arms at his sides in an attempt to prove his point. Eddie just raised an eyebrow when Buck’s fingertips rested below his hemline. “Shut up, I’m tall - Maddie always said the fingertip rule was rigged anyway!”

“Yes Buck, I also have sisters. I heard all about how bullshit and sexist that rule was in highschool.”

“Plus, I’m wearing shorts under here anyway.” Buck lifted the bottom of his skirt to reveal a very tiny pair of workout shorts that Eddie couldn’t say he was familiar with. He could feel his cheeks heating up, and was very grateful that Buck’s body was blocking him from the view of their friends.

Suddenly, Buck’s mouth was next to his ear, his breath ghosting over Eddie’s skin. “You know, you’re cute when you’re chivalrous.” He slid the pencil out of Eddie’s loose grip, taking a step back. “Stupid, but cute.”

Eddie took a second to get his breathing back to normal as he watched Buck return to the table, handing the pencil to Christopher before grabbing the tray of pumpkin seeds and turning toward the kitchen.

“I told him he’d break you with this.” 

Eddie’s heart was still stuck in his throat when his brain caught up to the fact that Maddie was now standing next to him.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you! I just - I told Buck when he came up with the costume idea that you probably weren’t going to be able to deal with it um, _gracefully_.” Maddie laughed when Eddie crossed his arms and squinted at her, which was not the reaction he was going for. 

“The absolutely wicked way his face lit up when I pointed it out, though? I’d stay on my toes if I were you. If I know my brother, he has some more torture in store.”

Maddie shook her head at him, a mix of sympathy and amusement in her eyes. She clapped him on the shoulder as she walked back to the table, hugging Chim from behind as he and Hen continued some sort of heated debate. Based on the way Chim was stabbing a Snickers into the air repeatedly, Eddie would bet it had something to do with candy preferences.

He took a deep breath and sighed, unbuttoning his sleeves and rolling them up to his elbows. Pumpkin carving could be messy, right? If Buck happened to have a thing for his forearms, well...torture could go both ways.

The next hour was the most ridiculous dick-measuring contest that Eddie has been a part of, but he loved every minute of it. Somehow, in between finding excuses to flex or bend down in front of Buck, Chris had ended up with an adorable puppy jack-o-lantern (“A _pup_ kin, Dad!”). 

Buck wasn’t innocent in all this, either. There were at least two different occasions of Eddie squeezing Buck’s thigh out of habit and pulling it back as if he was burned when he was met with bare skin. Buck had also taken every opportunity to lean his torso forward when helping Chris carve his pumpkin - Eddie was already mentally clearing his calendar for the next week to figure out if it was normal that he found fake tits hot when they were on his _boyfriend_. 

“Dad! We’re taking all of the pumpkins downstairs to put candles in them! Come on!”

Eddie tore his gaze from where he was shamelessly - ok, maybe there was a _little_ bit of shame - staring at Buck’s ass. He knew Buck and Chim had volunteered to clean up the aftermath of what Chimney had dubbed “pumpkin mutilation” while the rest of the group moved downstairs. Eddie cradled Chris’s pumpkin, falling in line beside Maddie while keeping an eye on Denny helping Chris with the stairs ahead of them. He knew they didn’t need to rush - Bobby had his cautionary tale to get through about the house he was called to that burned down when a jack-o-lantern was kicked over.

“Nice job on the make-up with that one, Maddie. You almost made your brother nice to look at.”

Maddie rolled her eyes at Eddie’s joke - even if they weren’t dating, Eddie would have to be blind not to find Buck attractive.

“Actually, he had a few of his friends do it earlier today. It helps to have a group of drag queens on retainer for Halloween. Apparently they taught him quite a _few_ things.”

Eddie almost missed a step, both his face and Chris’s pumpkin saved by Maddie’s grip on his arm. 

“Well, uh,” Eddie avoided what was almost definitely a smirk from Maddie under the guise of regaining his balance. “That explains a lot.”

Maddie snorted as she nudged her way past him down the last few steps. “Broken!” she cackled before grabbing Chris’s pumpkin from him and pointing to the circle of chairs that he and Chim had set up a few hours ago.

“I’ll take this over to Chris. You, take a seat and get a handle on,” she waved her free hand towards Eddie’s general direction, “this.”

Eddie felt his face scrunch up. “You just gestured to all of me.”

Maddie just nodded and pulled the white sunglasses that had been resting on her head down over her eyes. “Embarrassment, horniness, whatever. It’s gotta go, Diaz. Pull it together before these chairs are filled with kids waiting for a scary story.”

“Wow, you’re definitely channeling your costume a bit there, Mads. You’re not sugarcoating anything.”

Eddie could hear Maddie’s laughter fading away as she retreated and he dropped heavily into one of the folding chairs. It may have been harsh, but she wasn’t exactly _wrong_. He really needed to get it together - just for the rest of the night. He wasn’t a neanderthal, he could survive the next few hours focusing on something other than his boyfriend in a short dress and thigh high boots…

Boots that were slowly stalking towards him…

Was that music playing?

_I call you when I need you, my heart’s on fiiiire_

“Oh my god Buck you are _not_ -”

_You come to me, come to me, wild and wiiiired_

Well, Buck was nothing if not detail oriented. He had every little shimmy and smirk down as he lip synced to Tina Turner, coming in close to Eddie’s chair before changing course and ducking past him at the last second.

_Oh, you come to me, give me everything I need_

The velvet of his sleeve was soft against Eddie’s cheek as Buck slid his arm along his back before pulling back again to dance in front of him. Eddie knew their friends were gathering, taking it all in, but he only had eyes for Buck.

_Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams_ _  
_ _Speak the language of love like you know what it means_ _  
_ _Mm, and it can't be wrong, take my heart and make it strong, babe_

“You know you’re in the wrong costume for this, right?” Eddie couldn’t help but improvise in place of Patrick’s line, lighting up at the thrilled glint in Buck’s eye as they both tried not to laugh. Buck regained his focus just in time to hit the air drums that were part of the ridiculous choreography.

_You're simply the best, better than all the rest_

Eddie heard the telltale squeak of a metal chair being jostled against the floor, and suddenly Chris had taken a spot in the circle, singing and twirling with a megawatt smile that Eddie was sure matched his own.

_Better than anyone, anyone I ever met_ _  
_ _I'm stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say_ _  
_ _Tear us apart, baby, I would rather be dead_

Buck had now broken from the show’s choreography to twirl Christopher around, and the rest of the group was floating in to join the over-the-top performance. God, Eddie loved his family.

_Each time you leave me I start losing control_ _  
_ _You're walking away with my heart and my soul_

Buck briefly moved out to the side and revealed that Maddie had pushed Chim into a chair and was now hamming up a performance of her own. She was at least dressed as David, but her moves were a little smoother. 

_I can feel you even when I'm alone_ _  
_ _Oh, baby, don't let go_

Eddie’s gaze snapped back from where he’d been watching Hen and Karen swaying together, his attention fully recaptured by Buck as he slid onto his knees to land in between Eddie’s, his lip syncing no less impassioned than when he’d started. Eddie threw his hands in the air before resting them behind his head, having watched the scene enough times to remember Patrick’s much simpler movements.

He was pulled out of his joyful bubble when he heard Buck hiss out a pained “ _fuck_ ”. 

“Oh no, babe. What happened?” Eddie sat up straight to get a better look at his boyfriend.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just scraped up my knees a little - I didn’t really think through that move in a dress…” Buck rocked back until his ass was on the floor, the hem of his dress falling back to unveil his slightly bloody knees. Right. His knees. Focus, Diaz.

“Come on - let’s go get you cleaned up. It looks like Bobby’s having a mini breakdown trying to figure out how to transition this back to scary stories.” Their captain was pacing around one side of the now-jumbled group of chairs, tapping a pen against his clipboard. “They won’t miss us.”

Eddie gripped Buck’s hand in his own and helped him to his feet, leading him back to the locker room. The music was muffled back here, every sound amplified as Eddie rooted around in his locker for his first aid kit. He pulled it out from the top shelf, turning to face Buck who was sitting sideways on the bench, his feet planted on the seat and his arms wrapped around his knees as he hummed along to Tina.

“Alright,” Eddie approached the bench, alcohol swabs and bandages in hand. “This might sting a little.”

“Thanks, _Dad_.” Buck rolled his eyes and shifted a little to give Eddie a better angle.

“You know, that’s somehow even weirder when you’re dressed like this. And you already know I hate it when you call me that.”

“But _Daddy_ -son of a BITCH.” Eddie smirked as he wiped the alcohol pad across the worst scrape on Buck’s knee, cutting off his ridiculous nasally attempt at mimicking the voice of a socialite.

Buck didn’t interrupt further as Eddie finished cleaning the skin, just sat there pouting while Eddie placed a bandaid over each knee. He tossed the wrappers in the trash before turning back to Buck, straddling the bench to get close enough to touch his finger briefly to his boyfriend’s nose. 

“Boop.”

“Hey!” Buck stood up quickly, his bracelets jingling as he crossed his arms. “That’s my thing! Alexis does the ‘boop’ thing!”

Eddie chuckled as he swung his leg over the bench, not hiding the smug grin that took over his face. “You’re not the only one allowed to take liberties with character choices tonight, ok. It all became fair game at first shimmy.”

“Fair game, huh?” Buck stepped closer, resting his hands on Eddie’s waist. “Then it wouldn’t be weird if Alexis and Patrick…”

“Oh, I am _not_ keeping this on a second longer than I have to. The youth pastor look isn’t my favorite.” He leant in to draw his lips against Buck’s collarbone. “You, on the other hand, are _not_ taking this off. At least until I say so.”

Buck’s voice took on a familiar breathy pitch as he took an extra moment to respond. “Mmm yeah? You like it?”

Eddie pulled back reluctantly, some tiny part of his brain still aware of the fact that they were still at work. “ _Fuck_ , Buckley, I’ve been half hard all night. Your sister essentially gave me a verbal cold shower to get me to stop staring at your ass in front of _children_.”

Buck bit his lip, smudging the pale pink color that was still clinging to it. God, how were they going to make it through the rest of the party?

“It sounds like it might be time to go home and do something about this.” Buck chanced a quick glance over Eddie’s shoulder, seemingly confident enough that they were still alone to risk cupping Eddie’s crotch and giving it a quick squeeze.

“Buck, this is _not_ the direction we should be going right now!” Eddie hissed as Buck moved Eddie’s hands from his waist to his velvet-clad ass. “We have like another hour of this party at least, then cleanup, then we have to get Chris to bed which is going to be impossible with how much candy he’s had tonight-”

“Nuh-uh.” Buck slid his hands up Eddie’s shirt, stopping to play with his open collar. _Fuck_ , how had Eddie missed that Buck’s nails were painted? “Chris is staying at Hen’s. Brought a bag and everything. And I already told Cap I’d come in early to set up the next school visit if he let us duck out early.”

Eddie closed his eyes, taking a second to process that his boyfriend had _planned_ to go home early tonight. That he knew _exactly_ the effect his costume would have on Eddie. He would be frustrated by how easily Buck could read him if he was so impressed. And turned on. Definitely turned on.

“Well then,” he mumbled, patting his pockets to make sure his keys, wallet, and phone were on him before grabbing Buck’s hand. “Do you need to grab anything?”

Buck just winked and shook his head, pulling Eddie through the door. “You would be surprised how much you can fit in a bra.”

Eddie almost walked into Karen, Buck yanking him out of the way just in time. The friends thought it was the funniest thing in the world, apparently, but Eddie was too focused to be embarrassed. 

“Hey Cap, we’re heading out! Chris, be good for Hen and Karen!” Buck didn’t even look up to catch Bobby’s thumbs up, though they both heard Chim’s wolf whistle echo across the station.

They were buckling themselves into the car when Buck stopped cold, eyes glinting wickedly as he turned toward Eddie. “If you’re lucky, you might get one more performance tonight.” The car was suddenly filled with a pulsing beat, Buck dancing ridiculously in his seat.

_Are you ready?_ _  
_ _Let’s do it._

Eddie joined in as they pulled out onto the road, both of them belting out ridiculous lyrics about Lamborghinis and expensive sushi. 

_Vroom vroom, bitches._

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [Buck's "Simply the Best" inspiration](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gDrNHX8GCM)   
>  [The fabulous earworm that they're singing at the end](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKoxky2h2qc)
> 
> I need you all to know that I'm picturing Buck in the dress Alexis is wearing during her Cabaret audition. That is very important.


End file.
